A post by the momma:
I debated on sharing this. I
wrote about it and deleted it so many times I lost count. I had so many emotions and thoughts running
through my head, I wasn’t sure which ones I should write about… or if I should
write and share it at all. So, I decided I would sit here and write, no
deleting.
Having this blog and having a Facebook for both myself and a page for
Corbin, I share much of our lives with social media, people we know in everyday
life and people we may have never met in
person, but find ourselves connected to in a way that makes telling the happy
things fun and the sad things difficult.
This is a sad post and a difficult one.
Deciding to tell it leaves me vulnerable to a certain amount of scrutiny,
but where would the balance be if I shared only the happy, easy times? Here goes.
On Monday, June 9, 2014, I helped our beautiful Brienne to the rainbow
bridge.
My heart is aching, my eyes still burning, my mind still racing.
Brienne was adopted and unfortunately her adoption did not work
out. When she was returned, I was not in
a position to bring her back into our home. Between moving my mom and Corbin’s health
concerns, it wasn’t possible for us.
Bree went to boarding, then to a foster home where things didn’t work
out, then back to boarding, then to another foster home, then when things didn’t
work out there she went to another home where she severely attacked their
cat. Bree went back to boarding. I fought to keep her alive. I thought all she needed was to come back to
our home. She wasn’t aggressive, she was
my dear, sweet Brienne. Just big and
goofy.
Bree came back to our home on Saturday.
After a bit of a rocky intro between her and Corbin, things seemed
fine. I had all 3 dogs in the yard, they
were sniffing and running and doing dog things.
Bree charged to Amelia from the other side of the yard and tackled her,
growling and snarling. Thankfully, I
was already standing by Amelia and was there in a second to break it up. I had never heard Brienne growl before. She
remained very focused on Amelia and we were careful with their interactions.
Saturday night we had a scuffle with all 3 dogs. No one was hurt, just lots of noise, I was
close by to intervene. I kept telling myself that Bree had been in
boarding, she’s just adjusting and has some pent up energy, and we’ll just continue
to keep a close eye on the dogs. Sunday
she started getting aggressive with me, snarling, growling and barking and her occasional
mouthing turned more frequent, hard and nippy, leaving marks.
Monday after work, all 3 dogs were let out of their crates and into the
yard for some play time, then inside to cool down. Bree and Corbin were following Adam around
and both dogs were walking next to each other down the hallway… Bree attacked
Corbin. I’m thankful Adam was right behind them and able to break them up
leaving Corbin with some nasty scratches, few punctures and a very achy back.
Brienne wasn’t the same dog we had when she first came into the rescue. Something was very different about her and I
so badly thought being with us would be the cure for her. It wasn’t.
I wasn’t able to help her any more.
Perhaps the dogs shouldn’t have been that close in the hallway,
unfortunately we don’t have a house where we can keep the dogs separated. Perhaps we should have muscled through our
schedules and taken Bree back from the start, avoiding her many moves. Perhaps I didn’t give her enough time to
settle back in. I’m not sure where
things went wrong for her, if it was the constant movement from home to
boarding to home to boarding or if her abuse from the past contributed to her
insecurity… professional help was previously sought out by a local trusted
behaviorist. Bringing her to my home was
her last hope, and I couldn’t help her.
I took Brienne to the vet. I
held her and kissed her and told her how sorry I was for having failed her and
that I loved her. I was with her through
her final moments. I adopted
Brienne. In some weird way I wanted her
to know that she wasn’t just a number, that her name wouldn’t just be forgotten,
she was our family and she was loved. She
will be cremated and will stay with me forever.
Please know this decision was not made lightly. I personally, and us as a rescue, do not have
the means to rehab a dog with such aggressive behaviors and our behaviorist
wouldn’t risk taking her in. We did
reach out to other rescues in our area for help with no success. This wasn’t her first attack, and I knew I
wouldn’t be able to live with myself if her next attack was worse or fatal for
an animal or she injured a person or child. I’m
not perfect, and I may have made many mistakes with the way I handled Bree’s
situation… hindsight is always 20/20. Many
of our foster dogs have been dogs with behavioral and/or aggressive issues that
we have been able to successfully work through, manage and adopt them out to
understanding and prepared homes. I’m
not a dog behaviorist, I’m not a dog trainer… but I did do my best.
Run free, my sweet Brienne….
I understand that many people will have strong emotions and opinions
about this, and I respect your views, but please know I would not have made
that decision if I had another available, safe option. We could not safely place Bree in a home. This is, by far, the hardest part of rescue...
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