Thursday, February 7, 2013

3 Months

A post by the momma:
 
Yesterday marked 3 months since my dad passed away.  I'd be lying if I said the days were coming and going easily.  It seems every day gets a bit harder, a bit more real.  There isn't a day that goes by free of tears.  Everyone keeps saying it gets easier, but it's so hard to believe.  I've picked up some old nervous habits, sleeping has been difficult, getting out of bed every morning is more difficult and it's often that I can't hold a thought long enough to process it.  I look back on the two month mark, and it seems so far away.  I feel like he's been gone for so long, yet I see his face like it was yesterday.  I can hear his laughter in my head and I pray that sound never goes away. 
 
 
I try to keep myself busy.  I focus on my job and my work with the rescue.  It was fun having a foster in the house again and I enjoyed training time with Sophie every day.  Shortly after my dad died, I bought myself a camera.  I think of him every time I use it. 
Life is too short to take crappy photos.
 
I know my dad would want me living my life happy.  Moving along.  Not moving on, because that implies you leave something behind, so I prefer the term moving along.  But, I just find myself stuck.  Time is passing by, and I just feel stuck.  I wish he were still here.  I wish I understood why he isn't here anymore.  What could possibly be the purpose for him dying?  I don't see one.  It's just unfair. 
And, yea... I'm angry about that.
 
 
But, every day comes and every day goes, I just feel so empty. Corbin always seems to know when my days are bad. He sits on top of me and licks my face. Through the mist of the tears, he always finds a smile, even if it's short lived and surrounded with slobber.
 
 
I'm thankful I have him, and I'm thankful for Adam.  And, I'm so thankful for my Mom... and my nephew.  They're the ones who remind me I'm still here.  I'm still full of life even when it doesn't feel that way. 
 
Life still goes on, even if you didn't choose the ride.

22 comments:

  1. You'll continue to think of him for a long time. What a wonderful love you and your dad had. It's sad when people forget their loved ones.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & roxy

    Glad Corbin's there to keep the sadness at bay.

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  2. We've been pretty absent from blog land so I hadn't heard that your Dad had passed. I am so sorry for your loss. Three months isn't very long compared to the life time you shared. But, the fact you can even write about him and your loss is a good thing. It will be the memories of things like his laughter that carry you through. And Corbin. Thank DAWG for Corbin!

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  3. You know - there is no time limit on grieving or feeling sad. We seem to have this idea that we should "get on with life" and "move on" and that grieving should be a short passing phase. Well it isn't. You are allowed to grieve for as long as YOU need too. He was your Dad and you loved him and you had a great relationship - how could you NOT miss that terribly? When the time is right and only when the time is right - the pain will lessen and the all the good memories will become stronger - making you smile rather than having tears. It is the normal and natural way of things.

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  4. This year will be ten years since my Dad passed away. ...and while it doesn't get easier, your ability to cope with it will make it easier. I still have moments where I miss my Dad so deeply it is like I've been kicked in the ribs by my horse. It takes my breath away. After Daddy passed, I decided to quit waiting for things. If I wanted something I'd make it happen and if couldn't do it, I'd let that dream pass.

    Sending hugs and love,

    Christine

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  5. I can't say it gets easier, it just gets less intense. I lost my mom a little over a year ago to luekemia at the age of 62. The special days are easier this year than that first year. Every holiday, birthday was like I was losing her all over again. Now I can remember her with happiness and tell her I love her and miss her. Hang in there, even though I dont know you I think of you often. I know what your going through.

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  6. I can feel the great love you have for your dad and your deep sorrow coming through your words. My heart breaks for your loss. My thoughts are with you as you navigate along this path.

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  7. There's something about that three-month mark. It seems to get darkest around then and then the darkness begins to lift. As Bree said, it's a process, and it just takes as long as it takes. Bart and Ruby are sending you some tongue to add to Corbin's! I'm sending hugs.

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  8. Your dad obviously left a huge hole in your life...it's ok to be grieving. There's no time frame on how long it takes. We all adapt to that hole at different speeds and that's perfectly normal. I agree with Anonymous who said the grief is less intense over time. That's right on!

    I'm so sorry you are still hurting. Sending you hugs. I'm glad you have Corbin to help - he seems like an excellent cheerer-upper!

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  9. It is so hard! Mom feels for ya. Both her parents passed away in 2007 and it still feels like yesterday. He's with ya
    Snorts,
    Benny & Lily

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  10. My Mommy #2 said it took a year after her Mommy died before she felt more normal. It was hard to sleep, hard to wake up, hard to see people (and she worked in a RESTAURANT!!!!), hard to get motivated. She even quit going to ballet class which was something she LIVED for. Slowly but surely she began to do normal things again. It is a huge blow to your psyche and your soul. Be patient and don't be afraid to grieve. Just keep doing what you did today and remember the sweet things about your dad AND the blessing you have today. It will get better in time.
    Love Noodles

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  11. It's so difficult to lose a parent. I'm sending you comfort and hoping that you'll come to enjoy life again. It'll happen when it's time. Be kind to yourself.

    Hugs, Max, Bugsy, Knuckles and HH

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, i hope you're alright, i can not even imagine what you're feeling, it may be hard but you have to stay strong, your dad will be so proud of how well you're coping<3 Things will get easier, as they say times a healer, i'm just glad you have your beautiful Corbin to keep a smile on your face<3
    Loads and loads of love Milo and mum :)<3

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  13. Purrs and hugs from all of us.

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  14. Yes it does! Spoken from someone who's experienced deep loss, it does get better, but it's not a straight line back. Some days are good and some are pretty tough. I just know that one day I woke up and realized that the grief wasn't oppressive anymore, that I could still smile and laugh about things, and that life is still worth living. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  15. We can feel your love for your dad. We are so sorry

    The silvers and more

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  16. I understand your pain. I know Corbin is doing his best to comfort you. I think pets are amazing in those situations. Sasha always knows when to come up and cuddle with me. I hope the days get better for you.

    Anne and Sasha

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  17. I know my familee do fink of me very day my pal...they do miss me so much and they do nivver forget me but I do tell em not to take their eyes off da road and i will be watchin over em and do not want em stuck wivout me....

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  18. I have never experienced a loss like this so I can not give you words of wisdom or advice. But, I can assure you that we love you and think of you. I do wish I could make the pain go away but I know this is something you have to deal with in your own way and time.
    We will always be here for you.

    Allison...and Puddles

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  19. Hugs to you, Corbin's momma!
    Please give your mom a smoochie from us, Corbin, okay?

    Love ya lots,
    Mitch and Molly

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  20. Please snuggle up with your mom, Corbin. I'm so sorry about her dad... It's true - life isn't in our control, and awful stuff happens that doesn't make any sense and breaks our hearts. Sending a big hug.

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  21. What a beautiful tribute to your father. I'm so glad you have such wonderful memories and a friend as good as Corbin to help get you through the days.

    Love & hugs,
    Pam & Oskar

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