A post by the momma:
Yesterday marked 3 months since my dad passed away. I'd be lying if I said the days were coming and going easily. It seems every day gets a bit harder, a bit more real. There isn't a day that goes by free of tears. Everyone keeps saying it gets easier, but it's so hard to believe. I've picked up some old nervous habits, sleeping has been difficult, getting out of bed every morning is more difficult and it's often that I can't hold a thought long enough to process it. I look back on the two month mark, and it seems so far away. I feel like he's been gone for so long, yet I see his face like it was yesterday. I can hear his laughter in my head and I pray that sound never goes away.
I try to keep myself busy. I focus on my job and my work with the rescue. It was fun having a foster in the house again and I enjoyed training time with Sophie every day. Shortly after my dad died, I bought myself a camera. I think of him every time I use it.
Life is too short to take crappy photos.
I know my dad would want me living my life happy. Moving along. Not moving on, because that implies you leave something behind, so I prefer the term moving along. But, I just find myself stuck. Time is passing by, and I just feel stuck. I wish he were still here. I wish I understood why he isn't here anymore. What could possibly be the purpose for him dying? I don't see one. It's just unfair.
And, yea... I'm angry about that.
But, every day comes and every day goes, I just feel so empty. Corbin always seems to know when my days are bad. He sits on top of me and licks my face. Through the mist of the tears, he always finds a smile, even if it's short lived and surrounded with slobber.
I'm thankful I have him, and I'm thankful for Adam. And, I'm so thankful for my Mom... and my nephew. They're the ones who remind me I'm still here. I'm still full of life even when it doesn't feel that way.
Life still goes on, even if you didn't choose the ride.